Duck, duck, buck ,,bo buck banana fanna fo.....WHAT THE WHAT???

Mark today on your calendar. Today is the day that I passed my fear/phobia onto my youngest daughter.  Today will be brought up in future therapy sessions for Libby. I will most likely be asked to pay for it.

I started the day off with coffee. It was thunder storming last night and the smaller of my two dogs climbs me like a monkey during storms.  Needless to say I did not sleep well. I got Miss Julia on the bus and was getting Libby ready for a day with my mother in law.  I ran outside to throw a box in the recycle bin.   I saw a few weeds and pulled them. I was on the phone with my mom.  I was in the middle  of telling her that a friend suggested I blog daily, and how I didn't feel like I had much to talk about every day.  I then told her there was a pair of ducks that must have a nest in the yard behind us. They waddle all over and how I thought they were so cute. 

This is unusual for me as I HATE BIRDS.  I would not consider me a phobic or anxious person about much. Birds do me in. I  like them in their place.  I like small birds.  Large birds anywhere near me  and I can feel my throat closing. UGH. I hate them.  My best friend still loves to tell the story about me trying to pay for a pumpkin at the pumpkin patch for Libby, as a wild turkey got closer and closer to me.  I am sure it is funny to watch from the outside. From my point of few I would like nothing more than to kick that turkey hard. 

I went inside and poured my second cup of coffee and see both dogs at the patio door asking to go out. That is when I saw it...A HUGE DUCK was in my screened in porch. I was still on the phone with my mom and went into full on melt down mode. I  can only imagine what my mom thought, I was freaking out!!! How in the world did it get in there??  Below is a dramatized video of how I reacted. Minus stripping down to my underwear.

 

I do remember in the midst of yelling I said "I don't invite crazy into my life, it just finds me, in the form of a duck."   I told my mom I was going to get a shovel.  CALM DOWN. I was using it to prop open the door to the patio.  I  quietly crept up and propped the door open. The duck FRIgged out. I am now screaming again.  I run in the house as I have a horrible thought of Libby opening the door to the patio and it getting in my house. I informed her that she is not to open the door. (still screaming)  I did a quick assessment and realized that the duck FLEW THROUGH THE SCREEN. It was shredded. cool. 

 I brainstormed a way out of this. I grabbed a loaf of bread and took it outside. and through the propped open door, I threw balls of bread in a crazy trail  to try to lure  this kamikaze duck out.  I now noticed that the friends the duck was flying with were outside the porch screaming at it. HOLY COW, what if they followed the trail IN TO my porch?? It was a chance I would have to take.  I was CRAZY sweating.  I went inside to see if my plan would work....it kind of made me laugh. I set a trap like they do on Tom and Jerry!    I finally said that I needed to shower and prayed (literally) that the duck would be gone when I got down.  It was!!!! YEA!!!! Thank you God!  I am wondering if I tempted fate by saying I had nothing exciting to blog about, or if I jinxed it by complimenting this duck family.

 

Here is photo evidence after the fact. This is the trap I sat up (minus the acme box), who knew that ducks will not eat white bread. This was clearly a fancy duck and has better things to do than eat my bread.

 

Here is the hole that was ripped in the screen in my patio window....blurg.

 

This is the duck crap all over my chair!

 

I bet this WAS the mom duck that lives behind us. I bet she had a fight with the dad duck.  "I sat on those eggs all night in a thunderstorm and you can't even pick up the nest? I am going into that porch and not coming out until you pick up something"

 

Maybe she was texting and flying? Clearly she did not sign any contact with Oprah.

 

I wonder what she is blogging about today? The horrible food people eat, the soft and cushy toilets they have.  

 

Either way I did learn that you never know what is going to happen in your morning. I learned my kid is pretty good in a panic filled situation. She hugged me and told me that I should probably calm down.  She watched the duck while I showered and let me know when it left.  That kid is pretty great.

 

So....if there is  lesson to be learned it is never compliment a duck.